Jiwa, a global authority on storytelling in business and marketing, is the author of eight renowned books on the subject, with “Marketing: A Love Story” her most easy-to-digest book yet. That’s because it’s a compilation of short but powerful blog posts lifted from her website, thestoryoftelling.com. Each blog post underlines a critical point: the importance of mattering to our customers. Jiwa contends that while marketing has become a necessary evil for all companies, we can look at it in other ways: marketing as solving problems, marketing as a way of seeing the world through our customers’ eyes, marketing as a means of understanding what people need and want, marketing as a way of doing better work. The bottom line: forget analytics and quick wins, seek connection before you seek results!

#1: Don’t tell customers what you do, even if you do it really well.

The biggest mistake marketers (and product developers) can make is focusing too much on the product or service they offer and not enough on the customer. This mind-set has to change. Appreciate what your customers’ wants and needs are, and do your best to present solutions. Customers are no longer interested in what you are offering them (even if it is the best); they are interested in how your product or service makes them feel. They need to know that you understand what matters most to them.

#2: And in line with that, your competitive advantage is what your customers believe – not your product/service.

Competitive advantage is an intangible thing; it’s not about the unique feature your product offers or your cheaper rates. It’s not what you tell customers. Jiwa puts it best: “Customers don’t often pay for the actual value the product delivers. If they did, $4 cups of coffee wouldn’t exist, and people wouldn’t buy Macs even though they cost more than PCs. People pay for the intangible value, for what they experience and what they care about.”

#3: Don’t confuse awareness with impact.

In a world where it’s harder to get attention, gaining mind share is a priority for every company. The misconception is that if you can get a few more people to know about your company, you’ll be set. But instead, better to approach it by thinking, why will one person care that you are there in the first place? As Jiwa states, “What’s more important than building awareness is what you plan to do with it once you’ve got it, because top of mind is not the same thing at all as close to heart.”

#4: Don’t fear the competition, be the competition.

Companies obsess too often about what the competition is doing. Instead, channel this obsession to your customers. Obsess over what your customers are doing and then determine how you could help them do it with more ease. According to Jiwa: “Becoming the competition doesn’t always mean using the same old rules to beat others at their own game. Focusing on the tiniest gap in your customers’ desires might be a better strategy.” The message: act as if you are a market of one.

#5: Sell your story.

It’s not difficult to come up with a great idea. But it is, however, difficult to articulate clearly why that great idea should matter to the right people. As a place to start, simply fill in the blanks: “We do _________ so that you can do/feel/be _________.”

Whether creating products or services, or marketing products or services, always ask yourself one critical question:

Why should your customer care about this?

You need to give people a reason to stop and listen to your song.

“What if, instead of spending all that time and money on deciding how to tell customers who we are, we spent more time and money on being who they want us to be?”

We hope “Marketing: A Love Story” gives you a new perspective on what it means to be a marketer. Share with us your favourite wisdom nuggets from the book! And, lastly, support a local bookshop by buying it here: https://bookshop.org/.

Rosenberg, an American psychologist, developed and coined the term “Nonviolent Communication” (NVC), which is a theory of communication that teaches people to express themselves clearly and honestly, while being respectful, empathic and focusing on what is being said as opposed to diagnosing or judging; or, as Rosenberg puts it simply, “a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart.” He contends that, for centuries, people have been taught to speak and think in ways that can in fact perpetuate pain, conflict or even violence. This is where NVC comes in: to reduce these issues, build trust, strengthen relationships and promote peace – one interaction at a time. Through useful anecdotes, inspiring stories and practical exercises, Rosenberg introduces a framework for NVC and shows us how to authentically express ourselves in any type of heated situation (internally, in business, in relationships and more).

#1: In order to be successful at NVC, we must focus on four key components: observations, feelings, needs and requests.

The process of NVC is as follows: 1) Observing a situation, 2) recognising the feelings that this situation awakens, 3) identifying what needs are connected to those feelings, and lastly, 4) looking at what we can ask for to satisfy those needs. When used in a sentence: “When ___, I feel ___, because I am needing ___. Therefore, I would now like ___.”

To practice NVC is to express these four components verbally (or by other means), but also to receive the same four areas of information from others. That is to say, sensing what they are observing, feeling, needing and requesting so that we can determine how we can best help them. When we use this process, we create a flow of communication that leads to compassion from both sides.

#2: When there is an emotional response to a situation, it's always based on an unmet need, so don’t be quick to judge or blame.

Judging or blaming someone is the worst thing we can do if we want them to listen or change their behaviour. Instead, Rosenberg suggests a foundational habit for NVC: that we learn to separate observations from judgments or blame, keeping our observations objective and neutral.

Better yet, understanding others’ behaviours as manifestations of their unmet needs helps to humanize conflicts and create empathy. And if we show empathy and true understanding for one’s needs, we’re likely to receive a respectful response to our requests of them.

#3: Connection to self (being at home with our own feelings and needs), enables us to form better connections with others and thereby become better communicators.

According to Rosenberg, NVC’s most important use may be in developing self-compassion. As he states, “When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.” Therefore, it is important to employ NVC in our own moment-to-moment evaluation of ourselves in a way that helps us to learn, grow and make decisions that serve us – rather than turning to self-hatred. By being better in tune with ourselves and assessing our behaviours in terms of our unmet needs, not only can we cultivate self-compassion, but we can better communicate our requests of others and thus be better communicators.

While NVC can be applied to any aspect of one ‘s life, let’s look at how it can be utilised in the world of business (we are consultants after all).

• Sales + Marketing: An NVC approach to Sales + Marketing is listening to your target audience and letting them know how you can meet their needs and make their lives more enriching. This should be nothing new!
• Money: When evaluating an incoming offer, whether it be for a product, service or salary, ask yourself, “does this amount work for me in relation to my needs, or my business in relation to its needs?” 
• Stress Management + Team-Building: There is a lot of stress in the business world. Therefore, feelings and needs awareness, of self and others (aka showing empathy), is crucial to stress management and creating a productive working environment.

“The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behaviour in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfil everyone’s needs.”

We genuinely hope that you read this book and share it with whoever is important to you. If you do, let us know what you think!  Support a local bookshop by buying your book here: https://bookshop.org/. You can also find further valuable information on this website: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com

In a world in which we are all looking to make an impact, improving the way we communicate is an important first step.